I should have posted all this earlier but I have been grouchy. You see, it's hasn't been an entirely fun
for me .But whatever, I'm good now so...better late than never.
a few years ago Robert and saw a documentary about Karl Malone. He's very entertaining. He was complaining about things that were hard in his life that Robert and I were just laughing because the things he was saying were ridiculous! Then he said what just be one of the best things he ever said. "It's tough bein' Karl Malone." We could not stop laughing! Now whenever somebody complains about something trivial, like "My cars heated steering wheel won't turn on." we always say that it's tough bein' Karl Malone. The same idea applies here. I was focusing so much on the negative that I was ignoring the overwhelming good all around me.
On October 30 2015 it became official, Robert has been married to strokey me longer than he was married to regular old me. I don't know how or why he does it. I mean, we can't go anywhere together that he does not have to offer me his arm and help me up from chairs. All the cooking and cleaning he has done could rival Michael Keaton in Mr. Mom. I'm very high maintenance. On the other hand, I totally get all of his M.A.S.H. references, make enchiladas and chili verde that he loooves, and let him go crazy on his car obsession. Okay, there is more to it, on both sides, than that but you get the idea. I give him all the credit for keeping this family together and happy. Good thing, too, because I really like him.
A few days before Christmas I stated feeling pain in my neck. I chalked it up to sleeping weird
and took an Advil. It didn't help. I rarely feel my migraines as strongly as I used to but I got one and it about knocked me flat. Not the best timing. Robert kept telling me to have it checked out. But not wanting to be a bother, I did my best to ignore it. Then on Christmas day I was at my mom's house and she and my sister got wind of it and made me promise to get it looked at. I was still unconvinced. On the way home Robert suggested that I text my doctor to just ask. He advised me to go to the E.R. Great. Robert and I headed there at around 10 that night. We ended up staying all night. Poor Robert had only a hard chair and we were both awake all night. Good because, like most parents, we had a good, full nights rest the night before. Not really. Robert was texting my doctor (who was at his sick daughters house) with updates, I was texting my friend, Karen, who happens to be my doctors wife, and they were texting each other so nobody got much sleep. I had a CT Angio with contrast and it showed that my carotid artery had dissected and was 70% occluded. Wonderful. Vertebral artery dissection was what caused my first stroke. We caught it and I was already on aspirin (I honestly love the taste of that stuff) so no strokes. Yet. They had plans to admit me but my Neurologist came in and told me that there was nothing I could do there that I couldn't do at home. Start Plavix as well as aspirin and GO HOME!!!! I was so happy to get out of there but also so worried and confused. Nothing for 33 years and then 2 different arteries dissect in 8 years? Why? I had more tests, more brain scans and ultrasounds and everything came back totally normal. I was okay knowing that childbirth had caused the dissection but now there are two and no one seems to know why. Now I feel like a ticking time bomb. I wear a medical I.D. bracelet, can't go skydiving (Robert loves it and had almost talked me in to it), and won't vacation where there isn't a close hospital. I'm much more aware of things now and am on high alert. At least I know the symptoms and am already on anti coagulants so having another stroke my biggest worry right now. I swear my body is 100 instead of 42.
Speaking of which, I am now the same age as Skip was when he abused me. Robert has been 42 for nearly a year and it didn't even bother me. But now that I am, it has me thinking. My oldest is 13. I look at his friends and think, they are just babies! How could someone of my age be attracted to someone that age? I'll never understand pedophilia and I never will and I never want to.
For a big part of this year I was angry. I was angry that my body was betraying me and I was mad at God for letting this happen. I sure wasn't fun to be around. I don't know why I am so dense sometimes. I was totally missing all the good things. I actually had so much to be thankful for. I'm thankful for family (even in-laws!!!) who jump in and bring meals or watch kids while I'm at appointments, a husband who takes off work just because he wants to knows the doctor will be calling and he doesn't want me to be alone and kids who pray for me and support me in their own little ways. But mostly I am thankful to my Father in Heaven to whom I can just pour out my heart and not try to act happy or strong. I've prayed in a lot of interesting places for some pretty strange reasons and He always hears and answers me. He takes good care of my little family.
See? It's tough bein' me.