Saturday, August 31, 2013

Sun Valley 2013

We went to Sun Valley again this year, of course. I just love that place. Again, we did a whole lot of nothing. We swam, ate at the same places, swam, visited all the same shops, swam, hung out every night by the duck pond, and swam some more. By the end of the trip all the kids had sore eyes and torn up feet from the pools and they could not have been happier. They even got to see Despicable Me 2 so they were in heaven.
If you have been watching the news you know that there was recently a huge forest fire in that area. It is beautiful country and I hate to see any of it destroyed. I sure love that place.

Robert, Tommy, Aleq, and the ever-happy-to-have-her-picture-taken Ana Jain
He never thought he would see a Bugatti and he saw 4!

Tommy doing what he loves

The winning team doing...something

Totally beautiful

Redfish  Lake
My brave girl. This angle makes the rocks look close but they weren't. I'm not THAT bad of a parent.

Of course soccer every night


The Tooth Fairy made a stop


Often when I walk, I touch walls just for the feedback to my brain. While we were there, Wendy and I decided to get foot massages so we went into a place in Ketchum. As soon as I entered I reached over to touch/lean on the wall. Um, yeah, it was a paper screen. It was a quiet place with soft music playing and Wendy and I could not laughing. Loudly. We tried to muffle or stop but you know how you laugh even more when you are not supposed to? The rest of the time up there she would whisper, "not a real wall" and we would burst out laughing all over again.

We are already excited for next year!!


Friday, August 23, 2013

First Day

Monday was the first day of 5th grade for Aleq and 2nd for Tommy. Tommy got separated from me during the chaos and by the time I found him (in his seat in his class) he was already tearful. When I sat down and hugged him he just full on cried. It was back to school morning so I got to spend some time with him while we listened to the teacher. He told me that he felt like he needed to go home. I gave him another hug and promised I would be there after school, and then I left. It about broke my heart to leave him. Tough love is lame!! After school he was happy and said that he was better right
after I left. Still...

He acts brave but he has some pretty serious issues with separation. How could he not? One morning when he was two, his mom went away and didn't come back for almost 2 years. Yes, he saw me, but in a scary hospital or at grandmas when I was still hooked up to tubes and I looked very different. Poor little guy.

Robert's mom took Aleq to his class (His parents are heaven sent) and when I came there to check in on him, he waved but was already busy being cool so he didn't pay me much attention. I love hat he is secure enough to pretend to ignore me. I like to think he was happy to see me but couldn't let on.

Yesterday was Jain's first day of kindergarten. She has been counting down for (literally) months until she could be big enough to go to the same school as the boys. She wore her "Kindergarten Rocks" shirt (thank you aunt Wendy) and before we left, she had to run over to show our friend, Karen, how big she was.

My big girl!

At school, the kids play outside until the teacher comes out to get them. Most parents walked their kids up and waited with them. Some kids were sad and most parents were even more sad. Not Jain. She gave me kisses in the car and ran up to the playground before I could even unbuckle.
Today when I dropped her off she had fast friends and was animatedly chatting with numerous girls.

Most parents would be a little sad that their last child started school. I admit, my apron strings felt empty without little hands holding them. But I couldn't help thinking that I came within an eyelash of missing these times. I feel so blessed and thankful that I can be here for these moments. I took my kids to school this week! I TOOK MY KIDS TO SCHOOL THIS WEEK! I drove them. I walked them in. I hugged them. I laughed at how cool they thought they were. I was here to greet them and hug them again when they got home. I almost lost all that. I am so blessed.

Friday, August 16, 2013

Self Reliant

Tommy had his first soccer practice of the season on Wednesday. He dressed himself and I think he looked very handsome, no?

I dropped him off and had Aleq walk him over to what we assumed was his team. In just a second they both came running back to the car and Tommy was visibly upset. Aleq said that they didn't know if it was the right team. I told them to ask and off they ran again, only to return a few seconds later. This time Tommy was crying, Aleq told me that they were both too afraid to ask.
I explained to them that I could not walk across the grass, even though I wanted to. I asked Aleq to please ask if it were the right team because Tommy was nervous and this was his first time with this team. They ran off again and I saw the coach shake his head and welcome Tommy, who now wore a big grin.
I couldn't help thinking that I should have been the one to walk him over and introduce him. He needed his mommy. This is a boy with about 20 stuffed animals still on his bed and fully believes that Santa Clause is able to make it to every child on Christmas Eve (We haven't told him the truth yet about time going slower on that one night of the year).
There are a lot of things I just can't do. My kids will have to be more self reliant than their friends. I both hate that and like it, depending on the moment. I hated it then. But right now I hear cold cereal being made without my help, and I like it.

The other night I picked up a load of laundry from my closet and started to carry it in to my laundry room. Now, Robert does not like me walking anywhere with both hands full, and he gave me the look. I told him that I was fine and that I'm tough.
"I know you are tough, that's not the problem." he told me.
But he could see that I was determined so instead of just taking the clothes out of my arms, he came up behind me, put his hands on my shoulders, and walked with me to the laundry room.
To most people this might not seem like a big deal, but it showed me how much he was worried about both my safety and my want of independence. It showed how much he loves me. Totally romantic.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013


In my last post I forgot to add what may be the most powerful tool that we all have. Your own gut.
"If an individual makes you viscerally uncomfortable, there is probably a legitimate reason and you should pay attention to that feeling." --John Douglas, former FBI agent
If something feels wrong, trust your feelings, The Holy Ghost, your 6th sense, whatever you choose to call it. It is better to hurt feelings and be safe rather than be "nice" at the expense of your child. And teach them to trust their feelings as well, and let them know that they are more important than neighbors, friends, or even family.


Yesterday, Jain asked me when I would get a bike. Before I could even answer, she said;  "When you get to Heaven you can buy a bike." I told her that I loved that idea. Even at 5 she understands that my strokiness is only temporary.

As we were bringing in groceries, I asked Aleq what I would ever do without him. He thought for a second and then replied, "Without us you wouldn't be strokey." That just about broke my heart. I smiled and said, "Without you I wouldn't be happy!" He got a big grin on his face, nodded, and walked into the house.

That is a huge fear of mine, that my kids, especially Jain, will feel somehow responsible. I feel strongly that this was MY body that freaked out. I worry about the burden they now have and trials that may come their way because of this. But not one of us is responsible for it . It is honestly such a small price to pay for having my children forever and I would do it all over in  a heartbeat.

In quiet times, I  feel blessed to have this trial. I know there are heartbreaks that I could not handle. I marvel at the strength of others who not only endure but endure well. Oh, I know that in private moments, there isn't a person alive who does not doubt their ability to endure, let alone endure well, but I have seen such strength in those around me that I am seriously in awe.

I laughingly say about some that ,"I want to be them when I grow up." I do and I don't. I want their strength but I don't want to earn it.    How covetous is that?