I will be honest, I often get angry and frustrated. I have really hard times. Just last night, lying in bed, I had to go to the bathroom. I just lay there. And lay there. I was hoping it would just magically go away. Getting up and trying to walk in the dark really scares me. I still can't totally sense where I am in space so falling is a real possibility. My heart races and it wakes me all the way up. Then trying to get back to sleep usually takes at least an hour, sometimes two.
My whole day is filled with little moments like that. Nothing is easy, I am very slow, and nearly everything requires a rest after.
But I have witnessed miracles, inspiration, charity, humor and so much more. I have seen that The Lord has been with me and taken care of me every single day. Robert and I have grown closer than we ever could have otherwise. I have learned amazing lessons through truly inspiring people. Mostly, I have been able to see true goodness in others. People both close to me and unknown by me have touched my heart. Some have made huge sacrifices for me, some have shared their time, some have served my family when I could not, and some have done simple things like smiling or opening a door for me.
"There is no such thing as a small act of kindness."
Marjorie Pay Hinckley
I recently read a poem on a wonderful woman's blog. It more perfectly describes her son, Dakota, but some matches the reaction I have been blessed to watch. Thank you, Tessie.
"The suffering soul unlocks the love in people's hearts much like the sun and rain unlock the flower within the seed. I created everyone with endless love in their heart, but unfortunately most people keep it locked up and hardly share it with anyone. They are afraid to let their love shine freely, because they are afraid of being hurt. But a suffering soul unlocks that love. I tell you this- it is the greatest miracle of all. Many souls have bravely chosen to go into the world and suffer- to unlock this love- to create this miracle for the good of all humanity."
Thank you to all who have helped us go through this. Thank you to my extended family for your unwavering love and support. Thank you, Wendy's fam, for being Jain's bonus family. Thank you mom for, well, everything. Thank you to Roberts parents who changed their whole lives for us. Thank you to my kids for giving me a reason for working every day. Thank you, Robert, for your love, patience, humor, and strength. And THANK YOU to my Father In Heaven for never leaving me and taking care of all of us. I honestly feel that I am a much different and better person because of the last 5 years.