Thursday, February 13, 2014

Roberts time

Wow!! It's been a crazy few weeks! But we are all safe and sound.
First, Roberts dad is much better. Or worse. It all depends on the moment. The stroke really messed up his vision and that is huge for him. He is able to see most things directly in front of him but it's as if someone drew a line down the middle of his eye and he can see nothing past that. It has made watching T.V. or driving, etc. impossible.  He has to go for an Angiogram later this month. His doctor said it was a relatively new and experimental procedure to put stents in the vessels at the base of his brain. Sounds familiar. It's the exact same procedure I had complete with all the paperwork indicating that it is purely experimental. The same one!! Seriously, what are the odds?  At least he knows that it can work.
His behavior is very much like mine was and Robert has been able to relate to what his mom is going through. Papa is very anxious and can't handle even small changes like the way Roberts mom chooses to drive home. His emotions, both good and bad, are right at the surface and he has little control over their appearances. I remember bursting in to tears while discussing medications with my doctor. Yep, Vitamin C and Plavix are super emotional subjects. He is having trouble taking in information and processing it and he has many "huh?" moments. For instance, he talks about walking into the bathroom and not knowing where the toilet was. don't worry, he remembered.
Even though the physical aspects vary, his emotions are so close to what mine were and in many situations, still are. Fear, anger, depression, denial, hopelessness, and more fear. Other emotions come and go but those were the most prominent, especially at first. Soon the acute stage ends and other emotions start coming, like determination, frustration, elation, joy...
After something like this, life is never the same. It just isn't. But soon the realization hits that life goes on and is wonderful.
I spoke to my rehab doctor, Steven Edgley,  just recently. He had a stroke 8 years before mine (so he was 28 ish) and told him that life can be wonderful after a stroke. He smiled and replied that it can be even better after a stroke. (I have a tremendous respect for that man for more than just his medical knowledge. He really is one of the elite, GREAT, men in this world.)
So, with this happening, Robert has been a little stressed. Here was his schedule during that first few days:
Thursday: drive to NV for a soccer tournament for Aleq
Saturday: while still in NV, he got a call from his mom that his dad was in the hospital. As soon as he was able, he made the 6 hour drive back and went straight to the hospital. He came home around midnight.
Sunday: He got up early and spent the whole day at the hospital.
Monday;  He took off work and helped bring his dad home.
Tuesday:  He got all of us dinner and spent a lot of the evening with his parents.
Wednesday: See Tuesday
Thursday: I had a friend who needed me so I left him to feed the kids and hang out all evening with them. He actually loves daddy nights but still.
Friday: We had play tickets but when he came home I was lying on the floor in SEVERE pain on my right side so up to the ER we went. More later but I got to come home late that night.
Saturday: His mom thought she was having a heart attack so he was back up at the ER. (Instead of calling 911, she called him. ???) Turns out it was pain in the muscles.
I finally broke down sobbing on Saturday.  He can't keep this up! I don't see things getting better with his parents (I love, love, love, them but I love him more so he comes first) and although some people think otherwise, I am faaaar from 100%. He can't take care of everybody. He needs help. Our neighbors and ward and even my family have been wonderful but even still, I'm afraid what will happen if he keeps up this pace. Maybe a week or two in Hawaii would be good.
Anyway, about my trip to the ER: Before we went I told Robert that it felt like something was exploding inside of me. Turns out I was right. It was an ovarian cyst rupturing.  Harmless but painful. But I had never had one so we were afraid it was my appendix.  But all is well.
Funny story. I started back on Ambien the other night and the first few nights are always interesting on that stuff. On the first night, I had a dream in which I was crawling across the bed. In actuality, I was right on the edge of it. You guessed it, I fell out. I woke up when I hit the ground. Nothing got hurt but my pride. When I told Jain, she said it was the funniest thing she had ever heard.  I kinda agree.

I read this last night and I totally loved it.

"But today as I stand before you and think back over that great march, I can say, as Sister Pollard said—a seventy-year-old Negro woman who lived in this community during the bus boycott—and one day, she was asked while walking if she didn’t want to ride. And when she answered, "No," the person said, "Well, aren’t you tired?" And with her ungrammatical profundity, she said, "My feets is tired, but my soul is rested." (Yes, sir. All right) And in a real sense this afternoon, we can say that our feet are tired, (Yes, sir) but our souls are rested."   Martin Luther King Jr.

I have to admire her quick thinking! And her spirit!!

1 comment:

  1. I love keeping up on your blog. Even though I see you often, and am happy to be some support to you, I continue to be blown away by your courage, and ability to remain so positive as you continue to jump those daily hurdles that' defy the rest of us. U R amazing.