I seriously doubt that I am the first girl skip ever got to. I have heard from the police (off the record) and other reliable sources that he started long before me with other girls. By the time I entered his perfect striking age, he was well practiced and knew exactly how to lure me into his web.
For as long as I could remember, I was a little afraid/intimidated by him. I often just avoided him. He was rough or even (in my opinion) mean to his children and seemed pious and unapproachable at church. I remember once when his kids were helping to bring in the groceries from the garage, his young son was carrying a huge bottle of apple juice and it slipped out of his hands and shattered. The son was covered in juice and some of the glass had cut him. He was crying and scared and hurt. Before his mom, Barbara, could even start helping him, skip became irate and yelled at how clumsy and careless the boy was and how he had just wasted three dollars. This guy was a dentist with a beautiful home, fast cars, and every electronic toy you could think of and he was belittling his son over 3 dollars.
But to adults he was the poster boy for what a great man should be. He never shied away from displaying his knowledge in church, gave generously to charities, did free dental work for the needy, did kind but showy deeds for others around him, and did everything to gain the limelight and show how great he was. He seemed to love people being in awe of him.
I am told that this is classic behavior for abusers. Show the world your greatness and people will never suspect what you really are.
When I was 12, the nielsens planned a day trip to Midway, Utah and every child got to invite a friend. Even though all of the children invited friends from school, skip made sure that I was invited along too. That was the first day he even acknowledged me and seemed to go out of his way to be nice to me. This was strange but not bad. He was being a fun dad and we all seemed to eat it up. He later told me that he had noticed on that trip what a woman I had become. Um, I hadn't even started puberty yet.
After that trip he began what I see now as "courting" both my family and me. He helped financially to get my brother ready for his mission, he invited my parents to be a part of his scripture study group (they were reluctant to join, feeling that the group was a bit clique-ish) and even offered to have me clean instruments in his dental office to earn my own money for school clothes. As for me, he would seek me out to talk or pick his son and me up from school to go to lunch, and when I was over at their house, it seemed like every time I turned around, there he was, being nice. I see now, at 38, that he was flirting, but at 12, never having seen it before, it was just him finally being good to us and his kids and I all enjoyed it.
One night I was in the basement alone playing video games. As I pretty much lived at their house, playing video games alone was fairly common. I knew skip and Barbara were getting ready to leave so I was a tiny bit surprised to see skip coming down the stairs. he went into the back room and then came out, stood behind me and put his hands on my shoulders and turned me around. Then he kissed me. Just a quick but not very gentle kiss on the lips. Then, without saying a word, he ran up the stairs.
To say the least I was confused! Men didn't kiss little girls. Did they? It wasn't a kiss like on T.V. or anything, so maybe it wasn't a big deal??? It would probably never happen again, right? My 12 year old mind couldn't make sense of it and it just went in to survival mode. Denial. It wasn't what I thought, it wasn't a big deal and it wouldn't happen again.
So I went ahead with the planned sleep over that night. 3 or 4 (I can't remember who was all there) girls all sleeping on the pull out couch. We were little, about 14, 12, 10, and 8, but it still must have been crowded.
Early the next morning, skip shook me awake and then sat me up on the side of the bed. He began kissing me again. This time it was slower and not quite as hard. He stopped and asked "Why don't your lips move?" Maybe it was because I was 12 and had no idea about kissing. he then said, "I will just have to teach you how."
I was frozen in place. I don't remember even giving a response. I just waited for it to be over. Looking back, his daughters must have known what was happening. They were all right there. But if you see your dad kissing your friend, it's probably best to keep your eyes closed.
I should have stopped it right there. I should have run home and told my parents. But I was a scared and confused little girl. skip wouldn't do something wrong, would he? he was in a leadership position in my church, a family friend, a pillar of the community. he must know something I don't. And who would believe me anyway? I was a little girl and he was a respected adult.
So I didn't tell that day. Or the next time it happened. Or the next. I didn't tell as it progressed and progressed. I didn't tell for the reasons I mentioned before and more and more. Each day I didn't tell I felt more ashamed that I was "letting" this happen. And skip would tell me often that he just couldn't keep control around me. he said the way my lips moved when I talked made him want to kiss me or the way I walked made him want to touch me. Was this my fault? Was I causing a great man to do these things? I even told him once that I felt that what was happening was wrong. he just smiled and said that we had known each other before coming to earth and this was the way it was meant to be.
I found out years later that he was often unable to maintain an erection and I am soooo grateful for that. I am guessing he didn't want to humiliate himself in front of me so the abuse stopped just short of intercourse.
In my studying and my work with child abuse prevention, I have found that his behavior and mine was very typical. Sadly, this is not a unique story. At all. But I am in that small but growing group of survivors who will talk about it, shine a light into the dark corner, and maybe help one other person avoid it or stop what is already happening, and to realize that the best revenge really is living well!
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