Adjusting To Illness

Today I presented at a conference for social workers. My cousin, Amy helped organize it, and my brother, Jed was asked to present so, of course, they had to use old reliable Jodi. I think I was a good time filler for Jed. The topic was adjusting to illness. It is a difficult subject for me because I don't think of myself as sick and adjusting is something I struggle with every day. I'm no expert by any stretch of the imagination. But as I thought and prepared, it occurred to me that my injury is just the kick I needed to make the changes I should have made anyway. Simple things like saying I love you or I'm sorry more, giving out more kisses, hugs and smiles, letting the dishes go because Jain wants a story, being serious about and fighting for my marriage. I have had to really think about what is a must do, and what is a like to do. Don't get me wrong, the stroke has changed every single part of my life so many changes were not really a choice. But some of those changes ended up being really good for me!
Also, my sister and I were talking about it and we just had to laugh at how others view us and how we view them.
What she sees: I have adjusted very well.  I have it all together. When she visited last I was dressed and and ready for the day bright and early.  My kids were all groomed well and Jains hair was braided just right. My house was very clean, and there were home made cookies cooling. As she puts it, " I didn't even have a stroke and my life isn't that together!"
Reality: I knew she was coming so I pulled myself out of bed before noon. I did my hair exactly once this week. I spent 30 minutes and many growels trying to do a pony on Jain and the braid is the easy part. Robert helped the boys get dressed. The living room and kitchen are the only two clean rooms in the house. I make the cookie dough on the rare occasion that I have extra energy, freeze it, and pull it out when I need a little sugar rush. And as soon as you leave,  I'm taking a nap.
I  want a big sign on my door that reads, I HAD A STROKE, LAY OFF!
So, no, I haven't  really "adjusted" I'm just barely getting by. But that's true of us all!
I had one lady ask me if there was a point when I  realized that my old life was gone and my new life was starting? And what motivated me to keep going and working on getting better? It really hit me in the ICU when they were dragging a sharp object up my foot to see if my toes would flex or point. I remember thinking, "This is serious. I may never be the same again." Almost immediately I had the thought, I have 3 kids. Lets get going  so I can take care of them!"
Anywho, it was a good day but my 30 minute presentation was an all day deal for me with getting up early, driving, talking to people ater, etc. so I'm going to bed now.