I'm the mommy

On Sunday evening the two youngest were watching a movie with daddy and Aleq was "helping" me make cookies. He is a talker! He went from one topic to the next like a hummingbird to flowers. We covered why my cookies were so soft and chewie, St. Valentine, Martin Luther, Martin Harris, Martin Luther King Jr., legends, the Holy Grail, our chance for eternal life through Christ, Christ's death and Resurrection, Christ's visit to the American continent, and finally that we must follow the "rules" for eating cookies and always dip them in milk. It seems that only eating kept him from talking.

I know that to some this may not seem like a big deal. It may even sound annoying. And yes, it made me realize how much history I should brush up on. But getting to have this conversation with my boy is what my recovery is all about.

I almost didn't get this chance. I almost didn't get a lot of chances. Interacting with my children, holding them, making cookies for them, listening to them read, drying their tears, etc. mean everything to me.

I know they would have been cared for if I had died. They would have been loved. A lot. Robert would have found another girl and (hopefully) she would have loved them with all her heart.

But I'm their mommy. They are mine.

I'm selfish on this one. I don't want anybody to get to do "mom" stuff with my kids. I understand that we are a forever family and that I will get to be their mom for eternity but I want to be their mom here. Now.

I'm not going to lie. There are times when I answer "uhu" or just nod a lot when they are talking and there are a lot of times when I take a mommy time out. We have our bad moments/days.

Just last night before bed, Aleq told me, "I love you forever and don't you forget it." And when I hugged Tommy he asked, "You call that a hug?" and squeezed me tighter. And just now Jain flashed the sign "I love you" as she ran past my door.

That's what I love and I thank Heavenly Father, every day, that I get to be here.