Don't get me wrong. I love shopping. Grocery shopping usually really makes me happy. Seriously. But today Jain and I went by ourselves. It only took 45 minutes but by the end I was so physically exhausted that I was just trying to keep moving my legs and answering Jains running commentary with half hearted sounds instead of real words. Loading the groceries in the car and buckling the car seat required superhuman strength. I climbed into my seat, turned on the air conditioner, and just sat still for a few minutes to dry the sweat and catch my breath.
I waited a few minutes until I felt better and then said a prayer that I would be safe and those around me would be safe. Of course, driving home I felt great, laughing with Jain and even planning to have dinner ready for the whole family before swimming lessons.
Then I got home. It must have slipped my mind that I can't carry in a lot of groceries. I had to make 6 trips from the car, up 10 steps, and to the counter that had suddenly moved a loooong way from the door. Once I had put away the groceries, I grabbed a drink and sat on the deck while I pretended to watch Jain blow bubbles. Really I just stared blankly, too tired to pay attention.
I really don't like to complain, but today...well...sucked!! The stroke effects much more than my smile or the way I walk. It's a struggle every single day. There doesn't seem to be a minute go by that I don't have some reminder.
This is my life, the way it will most likely always be. I should get used to it, right? Well I have. Sort of. It has become normal but I don't think I will ever really get used to it.
But on the other hand, my life rocks! I have friends and family whom I love dearly, 3 wonderful children whom I get enjoy and laugh with every day, and a husband with whomI fall more and more in love with every day, and shares my love of watching M*A*S*H* and eating cookies and milk.
Yes, the stroke took away a lot, but it seems like a very small price to pay for the happiness I have. And I know this is only temporary. In heaven I plan to run to greet people, dance with my husband, and smile a huge smile at everyone!